


Maybe

by HeyImCaro



Series: Wanted or Unwanted [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, kind of, this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 20:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7860010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyImCaro/pseuds/HeyImCaro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story doesn’t have a beginning.</p><p>And maybe,</p><p>Just maybe,</p><p>This story won’t have an end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe

 

Sehun would never be sure of how he ended up in this kind of situation.

But whatever was the reason and why he did it, didn’t matter anymore, because surprisingly he didn’t regret it. 

Well, maybe just a little.

 

 

 

Baekhyun is the type of guy who clings into things and into people. He is the type of guy who always is right and you have to do the things he says the way he wants. 

If not, you’re fucked.

 As simple as that.

 

 

 

**June, 23th.**

It was a hot Thursday evening, the lights of the city slowly coming to life as the sun began to say goodbye and welcoming the sweet moon. The days were getting hotter and hotter. The nights were becoming more alive as the weekend approached faster as the days passed.

 

Sehun was on the comfort of his couch, with a cup of tea freshly made.

 

He was accompanied by his thoughts that gradually began to take charge of discarding anything that didn’t matter.

 

He only thought about _him._

 

_Byun Baekhyun._

 

Beautiful name for a beautiful person.

 

Baekhyun was like sunrise. The darkest moments on your life or even the worst thoughts on your mind could clear up just by hearing the gorgeous laugh of his. Baekhyun was brilliant, literally he was dashing and there is no way anyone could deny that.

 

Or maybe he wasn’t.

 

Maybe, and just maybe Sehun was sugarcoating everything, because— _I swear to you Jongin he is the most amazing person ever._ And— _I’m pretty sure you are trying to convince_  
_yourself and not me, Sehun._

 

Or maybe, Baekhyun was really like that.

 

 

But now, Sehun was thinking about the way Baekhyun had lied beside him. Without saying a word or even moving a part of his body. And that was something unusual about him.

 

That was a month ago.

 

And Sehun hadn’t know anything about the smaller since then.

 

Baekhyun didn’t answered his calls, didn’t saw his messages and didn’t came to visit every Friday as usual.

 

But Sehun was already used to that.

 

To being the _second one._

 

And maybe or maybe not it hurts more than necessary.

 

And It were on times like this were Sehun started to notice how on his own apartment there was so little about him, and how it was full of Baekhyun.

 

Full of his laugh, too laud for anyone liking but for Sehun was like a lullaby.

 

It was full of his smell, lemon and coconut, all thanks to his different hand creams and fresheners, because if Baekhyun was going to sleep here, at least he deserved a place that smelled good and not like fast food and cheap cologne— _Who need expensive colognes if no one was going to smell him?_ Easy— _definitely you, Sehun._

 

Also, it was full of the memories of tears and screams and hot kisses that conclude on sweet words on each other’s ear, and hands everywhere on bed at 03:26am.

 

And all because of _him._

 

The first one, the important.

 

The _boyfriend._

 

Or maybe, as Sehun liked to think, he was the boyfriend and the other one was the lover.

 

But that was even worst.

 

Or maybe not.

 

 

 

It was 01:48.

 

Already Friday.

 

So it shouldn’t surprise Sehun the knocking on his door.

 

Or maybe it should.

 

Baekhyun was crying and shaking, eyes full of fear and something else Sehun couldn’t quite understand. “What are you doing he—“

 

It wasn’t fair, it really wasn’t.

 

Sehun all his life had been a good boy.

 

He loved his parents and friends. His grades were always the best. He was nice with everyone even when they toughed he was just another pretty face with a shitty personality.

 

That’s why he expected falling in love with someone as good as him.

 

Or maybe he wasn’t that good.

 

Because he fell for Baekhyun.

 

Or maybe he was too good.

 

Maybe that’s why he is being kiss by the older.

 

But _it wasn’t fair._

 

It didn’t felt good the taste of blood and regrets that slowly started to take over his mouth.

 

The taste of someone he didn’t knew.

 

Or maybe Sehun knew that person too much.

 

 

 

It was hot, just because Baekhyun wanted it that way, because fuck love and tenderness. The best way to forget about stupid boys—or at least for one night, was being rough and careless.

 

Or as Sehun referred it on his mind, empty.

 

Delicate hands going everywhere—from Sehun’s soft cheeks to his hot neck, to his broad shoulders that someway helped the smaller boy to hold together all the shit on his mind, and finally touching more personal places.

 

And Sehun wanted to stop, wanted to tell Baekhyun that he wasn’t his boy toy, he was human and he has feelings.

 

Or maybe he didn’t.

 

And judging by the way he is holding the smaller against a wall—as if somehow the older would escape from his touch.

 

He deinitely didn't.

 

 

 

“Why are you so quiet?” Baekhyun told him on bed, at 03:15. His voice sounded stiff and serious.

 

Sehun looked at him with a plane look. “What do you want me to say?”

 

Baekhyun looked angry at that. “Well, I don’t know,” he said. “You never talk about this. About us.”

 

“What can I say when there is no ‘us’ Baekhyun?” Sehun said maybe too angry to even think. “There’s never an ‘us’, it’s just you.”

 

“That’s not tru—“

 

“It is! We are going to fall asleep and when I wake up you would not be here anymore and you won’t come back until you fucking want to!” He was mad.

 

Or maybe he wasn’t.

 

“Let’s sleep, please.” Baekhyun told him, using the same face he does every time things get a little bit too much to handle. The same puppy and innocent looking face.

 

 Sehun couldn’t understand why.

 

Or maybe he did understand it.

 

 

 

And again, Sehun was right.

 

Baekhyun only cared about himself.

 

And about _him._

 

Sehun would never be the important one.

 

Or maybe he would.

 

 

 

2 weeks and he hadn’t seen the older.

 

But Sehun didn’t care.

 

Or maybe he care a little too much.

 

However he was fine with it.

 

He was fine with the feeling of being used.

 

Because if that helped Baekhyun, nothing else was important.

 

Just _him._

 

Just _Baekhyun._

 

 

 

It shouldn’t have been that way.

 

He was just trying to help him.

 

He just wanted to see Baekhyun happy and well-rested.

 

He wanted to see him laugh and turn his beautiful eyes into crescents.

 

It shouldn’t have been this way.

 

Baekhyun shouldn’t have kissed him and hold him and definitely shouldn’t have told him—you are so important to me, Sehun. And—I don’t know what I would do without you.

 

Because those words did mean something to Sehun and it wasn’t just the alcohol and the feeling of being needed speaking.

 

It gave him hope.

 

Or maybe it didn’t.

 

Maybe, those exact words destroy every feeling of hope he had of one day being with Baekhyun.

 

Maybe,

 

One day he would forget Baekhyun, maybe one day he will get him out of his mind.

 

Or maybe he won’t

 

It was kind of impossible, because if you have ever met Baekhyun you know he’s the type of guy that leave an impression on you.

 

Whatever was the reason you met him

 

And however.

 

And wherever.

 

And whenever.

 

You will remember him.

 

Or maybe you won’t.

 

Maybe it was just Sehun that thought this way, because—

 

_“Did you know more people are killed by falling coconuts every year than shark attacks?”_

 

_“What?”_

 

But maybe he would forget all the things Baekhyun has said.

 

Or maybe he won’t

 

All because the older has a smooth voice, sweet and tender but somehow loud and annoying at the same time.

 

And oddly, it was a perfect combination.

 

 

 

 

Sehun didn’t like to think he was special.

 

Especially when Baekhyun told all those mean things to him.

 

And how he reminds Sehun constantly how there can be nothing more between them.

 

But then Baekhyun would look him in the eyes and smile.

 

Eyes full of something that Sehun like to thinks is love.

 

Or at least the closest to that. To love.

 

Maybe it was just friendship for the older. Maybe it is just affection or fondness.

 

Maybe it wasn’t.

 

But Sehun didn’t like to think about it.

 

He didn’t like hope.

 

Or maybe he was full of hope.

 

 

 

Sehun should stop this.

 

He really should.

 

But how? When he was just as selfish as Baekhyun.

 

Sehun wanted Baekhyun for himself even when it’s not possible.

 

And Baekhyun wanted Sehun to be his comfort, and only his.

 

Both are selfish and both know that this—whatever it is, is wrong.

 

 

 

**July, 8th.**

 

That’s why Sehun is wondering why he is letting Baekhyun enter his house at 07:25.

 

Baekhyun looks fine, but even when he is smiling is easy to know when he’s truly fine or just faking it.

 

Sehun doesn’t know why he lets the older cross the line every time. He doesn’t understand why he does it, as far as he knows, this could be just a joke for Baekhyun, or a way

to release all the anger and resentment that he might have in his heart, and all because of him.

 

Or maybe it does mean something to Baekhyun.

 

Maybe, he is just too afraid.

 

But at the end of the night,

 

Baekhyun isn’t his.

 

 

 

“Hey,” Baekhyun says, as casual as he can be. “I was wondering if I could stay here for some time.”

 

_No._

 

“Yeah.”

 

Sehun is weak and hopeful.

 

And maybe he is dumb.

 

No, he is definitely dumb.

 

He shouldn’t expect a lot from the smaller guy.

 

Okay, maybe Baekhyun was like sunrise.

 

But also he was like sunset.

 

He would made disappear all darkness in your life, but also he can bring it back and even worse.

 

Because, when you have the opportunity to know and touch and feel and hear and taste Baekhyun—when you have the opportunity to do all those thing to sunrise and sunlight,  
it’s quite impossible to be back to how you were before.

 

But as Baekhyun takes a seat on Sehun’s—maybe too small couch, the younger notice something different.

 

His glow is not there, his skin it’s not as dashing as it was two weeks ago.

 

And the thought of him causing this, killed Sehun.

 

Makes him want to scream at everyone and everything, especially at Baekhyun, because, why does people prefers to convince people that they are fine, when they’re not, when  
they need to convince themselves of what is wrong.

 

Sehun could give him love.

 

Sehun could give him comfort.

 

Sehun could give him everything.

 

Or maybe he couldn’t.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sehun asks out of nothing, he didn’t expect an answer, he ever did.

 

Maybe that’s why Baekhyun likes to come here, he can have the comfort he wants, he can feel needed but without the necessity of expressing his feeling.

 

Or at least not with words.

 

Baekhyun was easy to read, even without words.

 

Or maybe he wasn’t.

 

Sehun notice he looked tired.

 

Red eyes and bags under them, lips parted and cheekbones more sharp.

 

“I’m fine, I just don’t want to talk about it.”

 

Sehun took a seat beside him.

 

“We can’t keep going with this.”

 

Or maybe they could.

 

But Sehun didn’t want that anymore.

 

He wanted something real, something to be proud about.

 

He wanted a partner in life, not only someone who’ll stays with him one night every two weeks.

 

He wanted to make his parents proud with someone who cared for him as much as he for that person.

 

He wanted to go out with his friends with that special one, without the constant worry glances the other would throw everywhere—making sure that he is anywhere near.

 

He just wants someone who loves him.

 

“With this? What do you mean?” Baekhyun asked with worry on his eyes.

 

This was absurd for Sehun, he really needed to explain this? “Baekhyun, are you kidding me? You know exactly what I’m talking about!” Sehun said almost screaming. “Do you  
think you can come to me and go whenever you want and expect me to be fine with it?!”

 

He was mad.

 

Or maybe he wasn’t.

 

Baekhyun didn’t know what to say, he didn’t understand the sudden change.

 

“Baekhyun, y-you know I-“He stopped himself, thinking the exact thing he wanted to say. “You know I-I love you, right?”

 

“Sehun, I-“

 

Sehun interrupt him.

 

It was his time to talk.

 

“It’s not fair, for both of us.” He said. “You need to make a fucking decision.”

 

“I-I know! It’s not easy for me, okay?!” Baekhyun said starting to get mad. It was the first time they were talking about this. “It’s just…”

 

“What? Just tell me, Hyung.”

 

Baekhyun didn’t like that. Didn’t like when Sehun call him hyung. It made him feel dirty, why Sehun has to show him respect, when he didn’t deserve it?

 

“Sehun, don’t.”

 

Sehun got himself up from the couch. “I think you should find somewhere else to stay.”

 

“I love you.”

 

It wasn’t fair

 

Why when he was going to be already free Baekhyun said that?

 

He didn’t need this.

 

Or maybe he did.

 

“I love you and it took me a lot of time to come to that conclusion.” Baekhyun said. “I know I’m not the best person but I’m disposed to forget about him, and—“

 

Sehun didn’t need to listen anything else.

 

That is the effect the smaller has on him.

 

Their kisses were usually full of despair and hotness, but this time it was sweet and full of—what Sehun hopes its love.

 

Everything felt right.

 

Everything was in place.

 

Baekhyun was in his arms, kissing him as if his life depended on that. Touching and exploring new things, without being rude or fast. He took his time. Tasting every part of  
Sehun’s body.

 

This was perfect.

 

Or maybe it wasn’t.

 

Because after two week together, the story needs to keep going, simply because it doesn’t have an end.

 

 

 

 

Sehun had heard the ringtone from Baekhyun’s phone at 05:15 in the morning.

 

He had felt Baekhyun getting out of bed, being as careful he could be.

 

He saw him going to the bathroom and heard the—now too loud sound of the lock.

 

And he heard the small voice of the smaller saying four simple words.

 

_I miss you too._

 

And Sehun knew.

 

He knew he had to forget him.

 

He knew how he would not be happy with him.

 

He knew lost he would be without the older.

 

He knew he needed to close his eyes.

 

 

 

And at 10:45 that same morning,

 

Baekhyun was _gone._

 

 

**Two weeks later.**

 

That’s all he needed.

 

Baekhyun was crying and kissing him with such a despair, like he was trying to prove something.

 

Sehun didn’t know what.

 

Of maybe he did.

 

 

 

 

Maybe one day, Sehun would get Baekhyun out of his mind.

 

Maybe one day, he would forget him.

 

Maybe one day, Baekhyun would look at him with eyes full of love, and only love.

 

Or,

 

Maybe not.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm starting this series inspired on one of my fave album: "Urban Flora" by 'Alina Baraz & Galimatias'  
> So there would be like 8 stories.
> 
> All Sebaek because I love them. :D
> 
> So be free to comment and tell me what you think! :D


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